The SNP leader Alex Salmond says that, should Scotland win independence, his newly formed nation will be entitled to seize the regiments of the British Army with words such as "Scots" or "Highland" in their name. Dividing up possessions after divorce is always messy, but with a country as closely integrated as Britain, it may be particularly problematic. If Mr Salmond insists on reclaiming everything he believes to be Scottish, the English may respond just as pettily. English inventions include the cat flap, the fire extinguisher, the lawnmower and the seat belt, and England may demand them back. Enraged, Mr Salmond may then demand that the English return such Scottish inventions as the telephone, the kaleidoscope, golf and logarithms. At which point, England may order Mr Salmond to make all future demands in Gaelic, since the English are reclaiming the English language. Oh, Mr Salmond cant we stay together, if only for the sake of the children?